Go Time.

"Your toughness is made up of equal parts persistence and experience. You don't so much outrun your opponents as outlast and outsmart them, and the toughest opponent of all is the one inside your head." - Joe Henderson

If you are reading this then you probably know that I was diagnosed with a tibial stress fracture 3 and a half months ago.  At that time, I had already registered for AC100, and it was my A race for 2011.  I vowed at that time to come back from that injury stronger and faster than I was when I injured myself.  I figured that if I couldn't train in the mountains, I would do everything I could to prepare myself for when I could.

After 5 weeks without running, I slowly began running again.  First with 2 miles around a track, then 3 miles on the road.  I did 2 Miles the first week.  12 the next.  I wanted to run in the mountains and train hard again but I was afraid of re-injuring myself.  Finally, I felt like I needed to make a decision, so I talked to my coach, Jimmy Dean Freeman, and my doc, Chris Tosh.  Jimmy told me that I was bound to get injured running ultras, so that I should accept that and proceed with caution - but proceed with training again.  Chris told me that if it was still broken that I would know, and that I could run again.  I wiped the phantom pain from my mind

I had about 6 weeks before the race to train from that date.  I ran as much as Jimmy told me, and I rested.  I cross trained when I didn't run.

Descending between Chilao and Shortcut - Photo by Annie

I am now in what I believe to be the best shape I've ever been in, and in less than 72 Hours I will be running my first 100 mile race.

I can't believe how the time has passed.  I can't put into words the amount of excitement and anxiety I've experienced over the last month.  The last few weeks have gone by so incredibly fast.

I have done everything that I could do to prepare myself for this race.  Mentally and Physically, I feel strong.  I have given myself the best possible opportunity to have a good race.  Annie has supported me and helped me tremendously to prepare, and I would be far more stressed out this week if it wasn't for her help.  My mind is a mess, and I have the attention span of a hummingbird.

I guess I just wanted to document these feelings so that I won't forget.  I have wanted to do this race since I learned about it, and it is here now.  I have the best crew and pacers that I could ever want- as if I were given 6 number one draft picks- and I have no doubt that I will have all of the support that I need.

I am just so thankful to be alive, and to have this opportunity.  To be able to run.  To be able to have this experience.  Regardless of what happens this weekend, the race has already been a success because of what the last 8 months of training has taught me about myself.  It has already been a success because of the generosity of the people who helped me to raise so much money for the LA Youth Network.  I cannot wait to toe the line in Wrightwood.  I will run with all my heart, for myself and for all of you who have given me the love, support and encouragement that has helped to get me to this point.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Make some lemonade, then find someone whose life is giving them vodka and throw a party!

Kidding.  Sort of.  How about this:

“I attribute my success to this - I never gave or took any excuse.” - Florence Nightingale


I saw this quote yesterday morning on my way into the gym to hit the stationary bike.  WHAT?!?!?!?!  GYM?  WHAT THE F?  Yeah, that's right, on my way to the gym to hit the stationary bike.  Why on earth would I want to do that?  Well, truth is I want to do that because I want to be a better runner.  And I can't run.  I have a stress fracture in my left tibia.  I discovered it a little over 3 weeks ago and haven't run since.  I missed 2 planned races and have missed miles and miles of training for Angeles Crest.  I've missed out on one of my ABSOLUTE favorite things to do, which is trail running with pals.  BUT SO WHAT?  To be honest, this may have been a BLESSING in disguise.  


WHY?  Because I have been MORE MOTIVATED than I was before this injury.  I was getting a massage yesterday and while my muscles were being ever so painfully manipulated Scott Amiss (Sports Massage/PAIN master) and I discussed life and change.  Often times, it takes hitting ROCK BOTTOM to motivate CHANGE.  Whether in a job, in a a relationship or unhealthy living habits,  I feel like most people need to feel so much SUCK that they are finally motivated to get off their ass and do something about it.  People are AFRAID of change, so they are willing to endure the mild unhappiness they get from one thing or another until it becomes too much.  


What is interesting to me is that I have been more motivated in every area of my life since I discovered this injury.  I feel like a new man.  SERIOUSLY.  This is a familiar feeling, and a GREAT one.  I feel like I can accomplish everything that I want to accomplish.  FUCK EXCUSES. 


Not only do I want to get healthy again so I can run, I want to come back STRONGER than I was before.  Faster, leaner, focused.  I have spent hours and hours swimming and riding a stationary bike for the last few weeks THINKING about running.  I can't wait to run again.


For those of you who know me, it may seem ridiculous to say that I had hit rock bottom, but it is a relative term.  Rock bottom for me is that I had given up on my hopes and dreams professionally, and was making excuses for where I am right now in that aspect of my life.  To myself and to others.  Rock bottom for me is that I ran my body into the ground with a lack of focus and the inability to give my legs a rest.  Rock bottom for me is that for the last 2 years, I've let myself be tired and let myself be RUN BY the outside world, instead of doing everything that I'm capable of doing to RUN IT.  There was a time a few years ago where I felt like I had enough energy to change the world.  Something happened and I got off of that path.  That way of feeling.  The creative/positive energy train.  I've made excuse after excuse to myself over the last few years so I could feel like I was off the hook.  

I have made many absolutely WONDERFUL new friends and have a GORGEOUS and loving new woman in my life, and overall I'm doing GREAT.  But to be honest, there are a lot of things that I've let go.  I haven't budgeted well, I haven't made any real headway in determining what exactly I should be doing.  I'm still working in a place that gives me only 1 week vacation a year, tied to a desk.  I got that job because I needed flexibility to pursue an acting career.  I'm no longer pursuing that career, so WHY am I still working in the same place?  Now, those of you who know me know that I'm a fairly positive person who'll try to make the best out of most situations.   Even though I have had one of the best years ever so far (sure feels that way), I still feel like I've been SELLING MYSELF SHORT.    



I'm SICK of bad days.  I'm READY to feel GOOD.  I'm ready to take some responsibility for both my FAILURES and my SUCCESSES, and acknowledge every experience as being just that - an EXPERIENCE.  My friends, family, loved ones... everybody that I know.. have helped me recognize that I haven't changed one bit.  THANK YOU.  I'm still the person that I was a few years ago when I felt like I had the world by the balls.

I'm going to EMBRACE my LIFE.  No more victim.  No more bad days.  I'm gonna own this shit, and come July 23rd I'm gonna be up in WRIGHTWOOD getting ready to RUN 100 Miles.  Whatever happens, HAPPENS.
All I have is one queston:  WHO'S COMIN' WITH ME?     

 

LA Marathon Race Report

The few weeks leading up to the race felt oddly calm.  I wasn't very excited about the marathon compared to almost all of my past races.  I asked Jimmy why that may be, and he confirmed what I had been thinking might be the case:  This race wasn't that important to me compared to other races I had planned for this year.  This was a B race.  Regardless, as the race got closer, I started getting excited, and through the race I had a great time.

I spent the night at Annie's the night before over in Santa Monica, and rode the Coyote Shuttle (special arrangement by Jimmy) from Bicknell and Main.  I felt pretty good on race morning, though my hip still had a little bit of pain from the tendonitis that had been troubling me for end of February and first few weeks of March.  I jogged a little of the way down to the shuttle to try and keep warm and had a cheap poncho on to keep me dry before the race.  The forecast was for rain, but I wasn't too worried about the weather, I just wanted to make sure I was warm when I started.  The shuttle was full of familiar faces and a few new peeps, and it was a nice and comfortable ride to the start.  

We got to Dodger Stadium about an hour and half or so before the race, so we had plenty of time to go to the porta potties and to take care of our drop bags.  I was a little bit nervous because I wasn't able to poop at all.  For those of you who don't run, you may not understand why I'm mentioning this.  For those of you who do run, you probably understand all too well.  WOOHOOO.  Sorry.  ANYWAYS, I was nervous about that but not really about anything else.  I knew that if the hip acted up I could handle it.  I knew that I was in good shape.  I was focused on following my race plan for a fun race/PR/long speed workout as part of my AC 100 Training.  I spent a little bit of time with Dan Winterbottom and Pedro ( I think? Too long ago to remember.  Sorry DRO!) before I moseyed on over to the starting corral to get ready for the start.  I had gotten a letter B to put on my bib so I could get access to the Sub 4 Hr. corral, and I had no problem getting in.

I had my Ipod shuffle on my shorts, and my Amphipod pouch around my hips.  TECHNICALLY I broke a major rule of racing as this was my first long run with the pouch, but it had seemed like it would be fine when I jogged around with it so I didn't let it bother me.  I had purchased these earbud covers at the Expo called YourBuds (they are custom sized and are FUCKING AWESOME) and was jamming to some pre-race tunes.  I had two playlists on my shuffle.  One was for the first 13.1 miles, which was a mellow mix (P-Dubs Call of Carne Mix) that lasts a little over an hour.  The other was a mixture of metal and rap to get me pumped up for the second 13.1.

My race plan was to run the first half marathon at around a 7:45 pace, which I could still PR with if I ran the whole race at that pace.  It wasn't tough for me to run that pace during my training runs, but I still hadn't ever run more than 7 or 8 miles at that pace so didn't know how I would fare.  Based on my 10k time from Boopas, I calculated that I should run between a 3:10 and 3:20 marathon if I went all out.  The 7:45 would have put me between 3:20 and 3:30, so I sort of guessed that I wouldn't struggle too much to maintain at that pace.  The plan for the second half was to run fast.  No specific pace, as fast as I could go for the last 13.1.  I had it in my mind that I should be able to catch Kate Martini Freeman if I went fast enough (I wasn't).  Regardless, this plan turned out to be awesome.

I was pretty excited right before we started.  I hadn't tested my speed at this distance since the SF marathon, and that had been a bad race.  This time I felt prepared.  I felt like I knew what I was doing.  I popped an Apple Cinamon Hammer Gel (my absolute FAVORITE) when they announced the 5 minute warning, and waited anxiously.  When the gun went off I started running.  My music was going, I paid close attention to my pace so as not to go out too fast.  The first few miles are downhill so I still ran some faster miles but kept it calm.  It started raining just before the first mile marker and didn't end up stopping for the rest of the day.  I was by myself for almost the entire race.  I had put on sunscreen, which was running into my eyes, and I didn't feel very good for the first 5 or 6 miles.  Luckily, I now had the experience to know that I needed to just relax and let it go.  I knew what pace I was going to run.  I knew I could be in pain for hours.  I knew it would end.

Not sure where, but this is what the first 6 miles felt like.

Well it wasn't a big deal.  I just kept running along and eventually felt a little bit better.  I was excited to get to the half mark so I could turn up the enthusiasm, pace, and change my music.  I just focused on not running too fast, enjoying the signs the spectators were holding, and eating and taking salt.  Now, lots of people wouldn't have been taking salt in the rain but the SF marathon was super cold and I still got crampy, so I stuck to a saltstick every 45 mins.  I ate a gel every 30.  It was interesting to think of the LA Marathon I had run just a year earlier.  Such a different race this year.  I was alone, and I was running much faster.  I felt much more confident.  I was excited to know that I could run the fastest half marathon I'd ever run, and still speed up after that!  So when that half mark came, that's exactly what I did.

Cruisin' through Hollywood.  Mile 10-ish.

Angry flying running.

I switched my playlist over and went to town.  People I'd run behind or been passed by for the first half of the race were now getting passed very quickly.  I went about the next few miles absolutely crushing it.  I probably ran too fast... WHO CARES?  It was awesome.  I had so much fun.  The music was perfect.  I didn't even really hit trouble physically until mile 21 ish.  I slowed down a little bit at mile 16 because I knew my pace wasn't sustainable, but I still negative split the race, and actually progressive split each 10k of the race.  When I got to San Vicente and still had enough gas to run.  I questioned whether I could run fast for the rest of the time, and my pace slowed a bit even though I was still putting out the same amount of effort.  I saw some Coyote pals that sort of picked up my energy, but my Ipod stopped working with a few miles left to go.  I was now running with the ClifBar 3:20 marathon pace team.  I knew I could run faster than 3:20.  I ran down San V with them for a while, and heard the pacer say that we were ahead of pace and that we could relax and still make 3:20.  I sped up.  I was looking for Annie, and I just knew I was close enough to really lay it all out there.  I didn't feel even close to cramping, so I just turned on the jets.  When I turned on to Ocean I was expecting to see Annie right away but she was a little ways down.  I had been thinking about her all day and couldn't wait to see her.  I saw her jumping up and down and waving her arms as soon as she recognized me, which only added fuel to the fire. 

Rodeo Drive.  Flying.  Lovin' it.

I ran faster and got to Annie, and she ran along with me for a while.  She told me to wait for her after the finish line and then stopped to go back and get her bike.  I also passed Kara Bauer at that point who was cheering peeps on and taking video (Thanks Kara!!!) and could pretty much see the finish line at this point.  I have to admit, it was surreal.  This was a 37 minute PR for me.  I'll probably never have another marathon PR this big, but I didn't even feel that bad.  It was like a whole different kind of race.  I felt SO strong.  Having run farther on a few occasions and having run 50 miles definitely helped me know what I could push through and made this race easier for me.

RELEASE THE ENERGY.  BOOM.

I nearly froze to death walking to get my drop bag after, but all in all this was a phenomenal day.  Another testament to my awesome coach Jimmy Dean Freeman, and to how FUCKING PHENOMENAL this year has been.  Thank you to Jimmy for the great race plan and the outstanding coaching.  Thank you to everybody else for the outstanding support, and to Annie for the few hundred yards of pacing at the end of the race ;)

February - March : Recover. Train. Live. Race. (PR)

"The best way out is always through." - Robert Frost

I forgot to mention something in my last blog.  That something was almost the whole purpose of writing a race report about Avalon.  What motivated it.  The most important thing I learned from that race was about FREEDOM.  When running an ultra-marathon, it is %100 guaranteed that you will feel a significant amount of PAIN.  The difference between a 31 mile race and a 50 mile race, is how LONG you will experience that pain.  And what KIND of pain it is.  When you run a 50 mile race, you will be in pain for a LONG, LONG time.  Your BODY and MIND will tell you to PLEASE STOP.  When you DON'T stop, you become FREE from both your BODY and your MIND.  At least from their ability to control your choice.  That's what I learned.

On top of Mt. Baldy

On to FEB!  Wow.  What a bunch of cool shit I've seen.  Running in the mountains really makes for some interesting days.  Running Baldy in Kahtoola spikes with Katie, Dom and Krogmann whilst skiers wondered "why all the short shorts?".  SNOW at 2500 FEET.  DEEP ASS snow.  Crawling over and under and through trees downed from that deep ass snow and ice on Idlehour trail during a 20 mile point to point from Chantry to Lake Ave.  Descending Sam Merrill in SLUSH (as if it wasn't technical enough) as fast as Pedro and I could go.  Running pretty far up at Montana De Oro and watching the Coyote Ladies (namely my most awesome and tough GF ANNIE TENWICK) CRUSH it.

Browman and I

Pre-MDO

Every weekend that I haven't worked has had a huge adventure.  Whether it's been a road trip or just a solid mountain run, sitting still just hasn't happened.  In the past, this could have made my life pretty hectic, but I think because I've simplified it so much (girl, work, run) it's been a lot less stressful to manage my time.  I've just gone and gone and gone.  I've taken rest days when I've needed them, done a couple of gym workouts, and gotten over a hip thing that had been bothering me.  The BEST A.R.T. guy ever (Chris Tosh *AKA* Dr. Chris) helped with that. 

I still maintain that this year has been the best year ever so far.  I'm learning more and more about running all the time, and I'm starting to relax a little bit more about my training schedule.  Living a bit more of a balanced lifestyle.  I met with Jimmy mid Feb. and outlined my training schedule leading up to the LA Marathon March 20th.  The next day I started having hip issues, and the next week those issues cut into my training.  I didn't stress.  I cut my mileage a lot.  I still ran a little, but didn't push it.  Annie and I went to Texas for a friend's wedding and did a 10K, we both placed in our divisions (Annie WON hers).  When I came back I had a mid-high mileage week, and during the middle of it my hip was still buggin' me.   I went to Dr. Chris that Thursday and did a run that night.  I had a little pain for a second, but it felt much better.

Winner.

All Smiles!

The following weekend, Annie and I went out to Catalina, as we had a free night's stay at the Penthouse of Casa Mariquita and Annie was running the Catalina Marathon as training for the Lake Sonoma 50 Miler.  I had an easy 18 mile weekend to wrap up a 47 mile week, and my hip felt a lot better.  During race week I saw Dr. Chris once more on Tuesday afternoon, had a 16 mile week, and did a 2 mile shakeout on Saturday before work.  Not exactly a taper... 18 miles (6 at race pace) .... but not huge mileage compared to what I've been doing.  I felt pretty good.  When I raced I just focused on maintaining a positive attitude and having a good time.  I ended up having a great race and a 37 min. PR.

Cool spot in Catalina.

What I've learned is that running isn't just about numbers.  It isn't just a science.  Much of it comes from heart, drive, and attitude.  You can take weeks off and still race well.  The most important thing really is that you're having fun.  I guess what I mean is that there isn't always a solution right now.  Sometimes, getting over and through injuries/soreness/tiredness/lack of motivation is what you're supposed to be doing.  In fact, that's what you do when you're racing, so building a tough mental game is essential to performing on race day.

Dec/Jan - Avalon and Beyond

"Today, you have %100 of your life left." - Tom Landry (Dallas Cowboys Coach 1960-1989)

The most beautiful sunrise.  Mile 10 of Avalon 50

I don't even know where to start, other than by saying that the last 6 weeks have been some of the best I can remember.  I've run farther and faster than ever before, and have spent quality time with family and friends.  I've been incredibly lucky, and am SO THANKFUL for my life.

I ended 2010 on top of a mountain with 20 AMAZING and INSPIRING friends, and started 2011 by running down that mountain in the dark.  That run was the beginning of an epic 39 mile weekend with 9500 feet of climbing that ended a 59 mile week.  New years day was spent on parts of the AC course with Dom and Katie, followed by a burger and a beer.  The next day I ran the Boney Mountain course with a bunch of Coyotes in the rain.

For the last few months I've wanted to run 50 miles, and on December 27th, 2010 I registered for the Avalon 50 Mile Endurance Run.  I'd been considering it for a while, but was hesitant because of the problem I've been having with my metatarsal.  After trying some new shoes and wearing my VFF's more often, I decided to give it a shot.  I knew that even if it dropped, I could probably handle the pain.  Also, it's not like I'm going to stop running completely to let something that doesn't even hurt most of the time heal.  Stopping wouldn't even guarantee that it'd heal, either.  I just can't stop.  It's stupid, I KNOW. Anyway, I consulted with Jimmy and decided to register for Avalon.  From December 27th until January 15th(Race Day), I couldn't stop thinking about the race.  Would my foot hold up?  If it didn't, would I permanently injure myself?  Would I run into other problems? CRAZY, but whatevs.

I had 2.5 weeks to prepare for the race.  I wanted to get in at least 1 50+ mile week before I ran a 50 miler, so as mentioned above that week I ran 59.  It was a big jump from my previous high of 46 but I was feeling strong, so I committed and made it happen.  The next week I scaled back, doing about 19 easy miles during the week and another 26 on the weekend for a total of 45.  My one solid run of the week was with Lukas Temer, when we pre-ran the 13.5 mile Boney course.  We started around 530 AM in the dark, which almost always guarantees some beautiful scenery when the sun comes up.  After we were done I hung out at the finish line and watched the Coyote crew kill it.  Notably, Jimmy's Boney course PR of 1:41 and Crispin's first trail race time of 1:43 - AWESOME.  Although the 45 miles this week were almost as much as my previous high, I'd done quite a few 40-45 mile weeks in November and December so I still felt pretty strong.

The week leading up to the race was a nervous one.  My metatarsal had started hurting a bit during my run with Lukas, but I decided not to worry about it, as it has been pretty inconsistent and there's not much I could do about it anyway.  I did the Tuesday night SPEED workout with the Coyotes, and posted my FASTEST ever 2 loop negative split, with a first loop of 14:35 and a second loop of 13:50.  The loops are 2.1 miles, so our average pace was 6:57 (1st loop) and 6:36 (2nd loop).  I ran with Kevin Chan the whole time, and he and I both nearly puked afterwards!  AWESOME!  I didn't understand why I was doing a SPEED workout 4 days before my first 50 Mile race, but I trusted Jimmy and ran hard.  Thursday morning's Coyote run was up Westridge, and I took it super easy.  Annie and I did a 5 Mile loop with an average pace around 10 min/mile.  I wanted to run to the top, but Jimmy told me it would be a bad idea so I heeded his advice.  HOLY SHIT.  2 DAYS LEFT.

Thursday flew past, as it was my last full work day before the race.  I was booked on the 2 PM Ferry to Catalina with Jimmy on Friday, so I was planning on leaving the office at noon.   Thursday night I packed my bag and made everything ready for the race.  I woke up countless times, and dreamed about my race.  All week I could see Catalina looming in the distance on my way in to work.  When I woke up Friday I was SO EXCITED (man.  I need some new adjectives.  but seriously, I was really fucking excited and that's the best way to describe it).  I opened the office and got as much done as I could so Ryan wouldn't have too tough of an afternoon, then texted Jimmy to get our plan straight.  I left my office at 1145 and got to Jimmy's in time to wait for about 15 mins while he finished getting ready to go.  We grabbed Baja Fresh curbside and hit the road down to Catalina.  I had a double steak burrito with beans and rice inside.  It was dank. 

The 2 PM Ferry from Long Beach was ALL runners.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM knew Jimmy, and as we all talked, I couldn't help wondering what the next 24 hours had in store for me.  Would I even be finished running by 2 PM the next day?  PROBABLY NOT.  I was excited to see what this new distance held for me.  Excited about being a part of a race with so much talent.  Just STOKED (there's one!).  We got to the island and checked in to the hotel, an easy stroll from the port, and headed down to get some pizza and check-in with the race organizers.  These few hours on Friday evening moved so fast, even though we were all pretty relaxed.  At dinner we celebrated Sean O'Brien's 48th B-Day, had some laughs and talked about goals.  It was nice being around so many runners who were so supportive and had so much experience, as it really calmed my nerves.  I had no clue how much pain I would be experiencing in a few hours.  Kam and I went back to the hotel after dinner to make some PB and J sandwiches around 9 or so, and afterwards said goodnight.  I set my alarm for 4:15 and hit the hay, and didn't stir until that sucker went off.

And we're off!

I got dressed pretty quickly, grabbed my hand-held and backpack, and met the crew downstairs.  Jimmy had given me a "lucky bandana" to wear around my neck and soak with cold water when it got hot.  I had my headlamp, I was ready to rock.  I just want to re-iterate that I had ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING CLUE how hard it was going to be to run 50 miles.  I was jokin' around, having fun.  Woohooo, headlamps!  Hey Jimmy, who's SHORTS are SHORTER.  In 7 hours I'd be death marching up a hill in the BAKING FUCKING SUN and not able to drink enough water.  But I digress.  It was super exciting, and we all sort of milled around and chatted while we waited for the race to start.  We lined up behind an imaginary line, and the RD came to the front and said "OK, everybody ready to go?  Alright, GO." and that was it.


We morphed into a line of headlamps running up a hill and into the night.  We ascended approximately 1700 feet over the next 4 or 5 miles, and I took it easy.  I walked 2 mins, ran 2 mins.  Did this for what seemed like forever.  I never really got into a rhythm.  All I could do was listen to people chatting, and focus on my pace.  It was WEIRD.   Almost every run I go on now will start out with a pretty good feeling.  I love the feeling of moving, of my feet hitting the ground.  I used to dislike running, especially the first few miles, but that's gone.  This run was different, though.  I wasn't nervous, per se, but I just didn't feel that feeling.  I was focused on pace.  I got a weird competitive feeling.  I was getting passed by a lot of people who looked slower than me, but kept my ego in check and followed my plan.

The SUNRISE was the most BEAUTIFUL sunrise I've ever seen.  Seriously fucking serious.  I laughed.  I laughed out loud to myself when I looked back over my right shoulder and saw an indescribable array of colors.  I almost tripped, because I couldn't stop looking back.  A truck with a camera guy on it passed me, and although I had my headphones in and didn't even hear what he asked me, I said "did you see that SUNRISE?!?!?!?!".  Anyway, for the first 30 miles I just tried to take it easy and deal with things as they came.  I didn't have any too serious stomach problems, but my energy remained low and my feet were hurting.  The metatarsal thing started happening a little at mile 12 or so, but eventually the bottoms of both my feet hurt uniformly, so it was bearable.  I changed shoes at mile 18 into my Lunar Glides, and didn't feel the ground for the next 3 or 4 miles, then they started hurting again.

On my descent towards the mile 25 aid station I saw Jimmy on his way up the hill.  I'd been nervous for a while about what he would say when he saw me reaching that point an hour ahead of schedule, but at the same time was overjoyed to see a friend.  Having a tough day and knowing you still have another 4, possibly 5 hours left of running is a tough thing to deal with.  I used the toilet at mile 25 and was REBORN.  For the next 3 miles, I ran pretty quickly, at around 8 - 9 minute pace.  I felt pretty good, comparatively.  I saw a bunch of people on this out n back section, including Kam, and cheered people on their way out as I passed.  I briefly stopped at the a.s. again at mile 28 and then began the steep ascent back up the fire road.  I passed so many people as my headphones BLASTED "Separate Ways" by Journey, and I sang along accordingly.  Later, after the race, a dude came up and was like "Your singing was motiviating!".  Sweet.

I hit the top of the hill and focused on hydration and food as I ran down toward the Wacko aid station again (the place where I'd changed shoes earlier) which was now at mile 35.  I was pushing an 8 minute mile in some places, and passed a few people.  Somewhere along this stretch I remember thinking to myself that I was about to pass the 31 mile mark (the farthest I'd run until then) and that I was still able to jog.  When I got to the aid station I poured cold water all over my head, soaked my "Lucky Bandana" and WL headband and began the hike up the next hill.  This is when the race became brutal.  It's hard to comprehend how far you've gone, and how far you have to go.  The sun was beating down, I was power hiking every steep uphill, sore on the downs.  I couldn't drink enough water.  I kept wondering if I was doing better or worse than I should be.

Mentally, this was the hardest part of the race.  I was by myself, and when the hills were steep, all I knew was that there was an 11 mile climb.  I couldn't imagine being able to climb the way I was for 11 Miles.  LUCKILY I didn't have to.  The ascent became much more gradual, and life sorta became better.  I was hurting all over, still feeling dehydrated, concerned about water and salt intake and my stomach felt weird.  I couldn't really pee, but felt like I could.  Just generally uncomfortable for this entire climb.  There were a few times that I felt ok running in the shade, but then sure enough I'd get to a point where I needed to hike.  HOWEVER, as I continued moving forward I knew that I was getting closer and closer to the finish.
It hurt to WALK, it hurt to RUN.  Everything HURT.  But, the miles kept passing by.  Or I passed the miles.  At one point - I think it was about mile 39 - I passed a Buffalo.  I was so tired that I didn't really care.  I just thought:  Hmm.  If that Buffalo wanted to gore me right now, chances of me out running it in my current state are... slim to none.  Please.  PLEASE. Buffalo, don't charge.  And he didn't.  At some point I passed a super cool aid station where there was music, people drinking beers, a grill.  All sorts of stuff that I was too mental to take advantage of.  They filled my pack and I enjoyed some more of the cool water before moving along.  I was so happy to only have around 10 miles left.

Feelin AWESOME mile 45 ish.

Very pained smile @ Mile 47 or so.

The last 10 miles seem sorta blurry.  I don't remember that much in particular.  Only that at one point, I was upset with my shuffle for shuffling though the same music over and over (that I loaded it with) and not putting on what I wanted.  This was shortly before the last aid station, where I was nearly moved to tears by the people working there cheering me on as I approached.  It was maybe 5 miles out, that felt like 3.  I hit the paved descent (which I'm told was 2.5 miles) and passed a guy who looked pretty beat up.  I didn't know if I was going the right way or not, but by the time I thought I wasn't I'd descended so much that I just said FUCK IT.  Who was I kidding?  I wasn't going to run up any more FUCKIN' HILLS.  I cruised. and cruised.  and cruised.  Jesus.  Is this hill ever going to END?  Then I came around a corner and saw the most beautiful thing ever.  A little town called AVALON.  A BOARDWALK.  A FINISH LINE.  I started HOWLING at the top of my lungs.  Nobody could hear me, but I didn't care.  I cruised down the streets passing houses and such.  Hoping I didn't have to avoid a car.  I turned on to the last hill, and started sprinting down.  I saw Jonathan Bernard at the bottom and figured I'd toss my handheld for my sprint to the finish.

Dude!  SWEET!

As I got closer to the finish line, I heard bells ringing and people cheering and it was all a blur.  I was looking for my dad (who couldn't make it) and for Annie.  I saw Jimmy running towards me and I reached out and slapped him 5 as I ran past.  I heard people cheering my name and I crossed the finish line and Jimmy and Kate and Annie surrounded me and gave me hugs.  It was one of the happiest moments of my life.  I was so happy to be finished.  I was so happy there were people there who cared about me.  I was so happy that I wasn't running.  It was UNREAL.  Kate almost immediately asked me if I still wanted to sign up for AC.  Jimmy said "Dude, now imagine feeling exactly how you feel right now and running another 50 miles.".  I told them I was still going to do it.  I tried to soak in the freezing water of the pacific but it was too cold.  Annie brought me a coke and a beer.  I sat down next to Jimmy, and it was FUCKING AWESOME.
The next 3 weeks were spent recovering.  My race performance and training earned me the honor of being the first ever COYOTE OF THE MONTH, and Coyote of the week.  I won 3rd in my division at Avalon.  I got a super sweet tile and some Moeben sleeves.  Basically, EVERYTHING that I could've asked for at the beginning of this year has happened.

Friendship

"Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends we choose." - Tennessee Williams

The past few months have been some of the best that I've had in recent years.  I used to think that Los Angeles was a place where good, close friends were hard to find.  That is %100 accurate if you are looking in the wrong place.  What makes it more difficult, is to even know where to look.  It seems that many people in their twenties and thirties are still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up.  There's an inherent insecurity that comes with the disconnect between who we are now and who we want to be.

For the first few years that I was here, that disconnect for me was huge.  Even through much of the self-discovery and positive changes that I made, I didn't develop too many close friendships.  For a large portion of that time, my perception of who I was depended deeply on my relationship with my ex-girlfriend, as opposed to my relationship with myself.  Over the past two years, the soul searching I've done as a single dude has ultimately led to a broad-stroke simplification of my life.  This has made it much easier to develop those close friendships that I was looking for.

Instead of focusing so much on what I want to be, I've just been doing what I want to do.  Most of what I want to do is running related.  It almost always involves the Coyotes, or trails that my involvement with them has lead me to run on.  I've not made these new friends because they are there.  I've made them friends because they are good people.  They share my passion.  They like to run, they like to drink beers, they like karaoke.  They are people that I want to be like when I grow up.  They aren't selfish, but not because they are trying not to be.  They are inspiring, and they don't care that they are inspiring.  They run free.

One of these friends, Gabi, pretty much fixed my foot.  It's been fucked up for a few months now, and I've done tons of research and been seen by a podiatrist and chiropractor and still it hurt. Since Gabi worked on it last Thursday night, I've run twice with no problems.  She didn't have to help me out, she did it because she's a good friend, and she asked nothing in return.  We ran up Mt. Wilson together on Sunday afternoon.  It was cold, pouring rain and windy.  We couldn't see anything other than the fire road, really.  We could see the trees surrounding us and the steep rocks above and below the trail, but there were no beautiful vistas.  All we could see were the clouds we were in and the rain blowing in our faces.  The rain pouring down on our hoods made it difficult to hear.

We climbed 9 miles in 2.5 hours, and when we were close to the top Gabi wasn't feeling great and we still had a few miles to go.  If I'd run this trail solo that day, I would've turned around far earlier, and I told her that we could turn around at any point if she wasn't feeling well.  She said "I didn't run for the last few hours in the pouring rain up the side of a mountain to not get to the top."  We got to the top of the mountain, and although my hands were freezing and the wind was throwing cold rain in our faces, it felt glorious.  We ran down the mountain in an 1 hr 10 mins after the 2.5 hour ascent.  Halfway down the mountain we reached Henninger flats and the clouds cleared enough for us to see the beautiful mountain we were running on, and just enough to see the city a few thousand feet below.  It was BREATHTAKING.  It was SO WORTH IT.  This run was EPIC.  Afterwards, I felt physically better than I have after ANY run for the last 4 months.

This brings me back to the quote on the top of the page.  If I hadn't met the Coyotes, more importantly, if I hadn't met Gabi, I wouldn't have had this experience.  I'm incredibly grateful for my new friends, and hope that these few months have just been the beginning of great times to come.

The Pleasure of Pain: Santa Monica 50K Report

"The Obsession with Running is Really an Obsession with the Potential for More and More Life"~George Sheehan

My friend Joe T has a rule that you shouldn't say something unless it is informative or funny.  I don't think bloggers generally follow that rule all of the time, but for your sake, I hope this race report will be both.

Although every race that I've run has been an exciting journey both leading up to and during the event itself, this race meant more to me than the previous 3.  It's hard for me to remember sometimes that I'm new to this sport.  Whether that even matters depends on who you ask.  Everyone has goals - short term or long term, professional, personal, spiritual, physical - it doesn't matter.   Everyone's got 'em.  I choose to set more goals than the average person, but not because I feel the need to have achievements.

I think I set more goals because I want to live a fuller life.  I want to have as many experiences as I can, and setting goals forces me to push my limits.  When the alarm clock goes off at 4:15 AM, and a choice has to be made, if I didn't have goals I would choose to sleep in.  I could just run a little after work, or not run as far.  Or not run at all.  But then, what would I do?  Just go to work feeling tired?  Afterward go and have some drinks somewhere, then go home and do it all again the next day?  I'm gonna give that idea the dolphin. You know.... eh eh (Dolphin noise?  No?  Not feelin' it?).  Whatever.

I choose to set goals that require me to live almost every day to the fullest.  Although I love running, in order to be driven to do what I love I need goals.  For me, the less achievable the goal, the better.  The harder I have to work, the farther that goal will take me on that journey.  For this race, my goal was to finish in the top 10 overall and in under 5 hours.  For someone with my running background, those goals were quite lofty.  In my mind they were attainable, though.  I mean hey, I'm a stud, right?  Don't answer that.

Anywho... I'd finished Bulldog in just over 5 hours, and felt more confident before this race in every aspect of my running.  Even though I took a month off from late September to late October, I'd gotten a few 45 mile weeks in leading up to the race, and ran strong at the end of my back to backs on the weekends.  At some points, Bowman and I had been running sub 7 minute miles on the downhills deep into our long runs.

The week before the race, the forecast for race day was cold and wet.  There was a 60% chance of precipitation.  Much of the course is on exposed hillsides overlooking the Pacific, so chances are it would be windy, too.  I still had high hopes, though, and wasn't too concerned with the weather.  What I WAS concerned with was the DUMB decision I'd made to buy a bed a week before to race instead of registering.  The registration fees weren't that much, but the bed was expensive, and I couldn't have both.  I figured that it was a smaller race and that it probably wouldn't sell out, so I could just register the Friday before the race when I got paid.  Thursday night I logged on to Facebook and saw a friends post that the race was SOLD OUT.  I was DEVASTATED.  I'd wanted so badly to run this race, and now it looked as though there was no chance I would be able to.  All because I chose to buy something that I didn't absolutely NEED, instead of registering to do something that I absolutely LOVE.  DEVASTATED.

Luckily for me, my friend GABI SCHENKEL knew the race director, and sent her an email for me.  Because of Gabi, I was able to run the race despite my poor choice.  Gabi, THANK YOU!  I was so relieved when I found out that I could still race, and I returned to my anxious and excited state of pre-race existence.

The day before the race, I relaxed.  I cleaned up my apartment a little bit, ate a lion's share of gelato, had a beer or two and went to sleep around 930.  The race wasn't until 830 Sunday morning, so I got a full 8 hours before waking up at 530 to eat breakfast and start my routine.  My roommate, Elya Beer, had given me a 25 dollar iTunes gift card on Saturday that he didn't need.  I bought some music that I'd been wanting for a while, loaded it up on my iPhone, and hopped in the car for my drive out to the Bu (Malibu).  It had been pouring rain when I woke up, but as I drove, the clouds started to clear up.  When I got to the start area it was gorgeous outside.  It was a little bit windy/chilly but comfortable racing weather.  I registered, met up with Bowman, and we put our drop bags at the pass through.

Pre-race pump up song:



The SM 50K course is two loops on the La Jolla Canyon/Valley trail, one loop in Sycamore Canyon, and one out and back on Ray Miller.  We started on time at 830, and Bowman and I settled in behind about 15 or 20 runners.  There was a 30K race also, which started at the same time, so we figured that most of the people ahead of us were in that race.  We ran the first mile a little fast at a 1030 pace (it's up a fairly steep hill in a canyon) but both felt pretty strong.  I was hanging behind Bowman, just watching his feet as we ran.  There was still a lot of mud on the course from the rain, and it weighed down our shoes as we ran through it.  Regardless, we kept pushing up the hill to Mugu Peak and didn't let it slow us down too much.  We were careful about our food and salt intake, eating every 20 mins and taking salt every 30.  There was one guy ahead of us for most of the uphill, who we ended up passing on the flat section through the valley.  He'd made some snarky remarks about our howling.  We didn't let it bother us.  We ran at a pretty quick pace back down the canyon but didn't push too hard.  When we got to the aid station at the bottom we both felt strong still, although my stomach had started feeling a little rough.

The first trip up Ray Miller felt pretty easy.  Although my stomach was still upset, we were running a lot of the uphill, and it was fun seeing the 18 K leaders coming down the trail.  At the top, I tightened my right shoe for the 2 mile-ish trip down the fire road to the next aid station.  This is when we made our first fairly large mistake of the day.  Even though we were only 10-11 miles into the race, we somehow let ourselves run at a sub 6 minute pace for much of the descent.  Although it didn't hurt at the time (it was actually super fun!) our mistake caught up with us on our way out of Sycamore canyon.  We decided to run the last section of fire road before the Firetrail started, and then recharge as we hiked up the single track.  Although we both said we were feeling good, I think we both knew we were more beat up than we should've been at that stage in the race.  Additionally, the end of the single track is up a super steep section of trail that neither of us were looking forward to climbing.  We pushed on, and hit the 15 Mile mark at around 2 Hrs. and 28 Mins into the race.

We were a little behind our sub 5 hr goal, but at that point we both decided to say "Fuck It" and just run the best race we could from that point on.  At this point, I could feel my 3rd metatarsal in my right foot when I ran.  It's been "dropped" since I got over the plantar fasciitis, and although I'd had some adjustments done by the chiropractor, it dropped again during this race.  Although it didn't cause major pain, the concern would weigh on me for the rest of the race.  It was actually pretty F-ing annoying.  Moving on.

We bombed it down Ray Miller (one of the most beautiful and run-able trails in So-Cal) and got to the aid station feeling pretty good.  I put my shirt back on to try and warm up a bit, and Bowman and I started our ascent back up the La Jolla Canyon trail.  That's when we really started feeling SHITTTTTYYY.  My legs were tired.  Every running step was hard, and I couldn't run for more than 2 minutes at a time uphill.  Maybe less.  Adam was getting lightheaded, and we were passed by a few people, including the 2nd female.  During our ascent up Pt. Mugu Adam told me to leave him, as he was really not feeling well and didn't think he could even run the downs.  I wasn't feeling great myself, but I pushed along into the abyss by myself.  Along the hillside overlooking the ocean I ran into the wind, dealing with the annoyance from my right foot and trying to stay hydrated.  Things weren't great.  I didn't want to run, but there was another guy who had passed me and I decided I wanted to make a race out of it.  Once we got to the slight downhill before the flats, I slowly moved closer behind him before he moved over so I could pass.  I ran ahead of him for the next two miles or so, and then stopped to take a pee.

This is when I knew that things were not so good for old Jorge.  First, peeing was difficult, then when I did my pee looked like Cholula.  Ok, maybe not that bad, but it was orange.  Around this time, the one guy passed me again (yep, while I was "peeing").  I knew I was dehydrated, and had been paying attention/was worried as shit about my water situation for the last few miles.  Well, I was now out of water, and was 2 1/4 miles from the next aid station.  DOUBLE SHIT.  Luckily for me, I had pride and nothing but downhill to keep me going.  I let my legs go and allowed the hill to carry me down.  I passed the one guy and saw people just starting their 3rd loops as I made my way down.

FINALLY!  I arrived at the aid station where CRAIG SLAGEL (the man, the myth, the legend) was dishing out delicious treats and GLORIOUS, GLORIOUS WATER.  He told me that I didn't look so bad, in fact, I'd be fine if I chugged a few bottles of water there at the station before starting my final climb up Ray Miller.  Additionally, my roommate ELYA BEER appeared outta nowhere to cheer me on.  I'd expected my little sisters to show up, but they forgot (what a surprise), so it was a great surprise to have a fan section.  Anyway, the one guy had rolled into the aid station a minute or so after me, and I wanted to get a head start going up Ray Miller.  I tried to leave the aid station looking strong to intimidate him going into the last climb, but I don't think it worked.  About 400 yards up the trail he passed me as I was taking in some calories.  BUMMER.

I asked the one guy how old he was to see if he was in my age group, and in fact he was.  I gave him a little congrats for running strong up the hill, and he replied that he had to get as much of a lead on me as he could while climbing because I would surely pass him on the downhill.  Well, I surely did.  Even though he ran every step of the ascent up Ray Miller (a truly impressive feat after running 26.5 hilly miles) he didn't gain enough distance on me to maintain his lead.  I ended up passing him halfway down the hill, and finished strong in 12th place in 5:46:06.  My legs were quivering, and I was wrecked, but it felt SO SO GOOD.

The Pleasure of Pain

That feeling is one of the things I love the most about running far.  To push through.  To do what I want .  That is freedom.  It gives a sense of confidence in all areas of life.  That regardless of what may happen, you can get through it if you want.  I haven't been in every situation, but I'm sure that practice doesn't hurt.