Kidding. Sort of. How about this:
“I attribute my success to this - I never gave or took any excuse.” - Florence Nightingale
I saw this quote yesterday morning on my way into the gym to hit the stationary bike. WHAT?!?!?!?! GYM? WHAT THE F? Yeah, that's right, on my way to the gym to hit the stationary bike. Why on earth would I want to do that? Well, truth is I want to do that because I want to be a better runner. And I can't run. I have a stress fracture in my left tibia. I discovered it a little over 3 weeks ago and haven't run since. I missed 2 planned races and have missed miles and miles of training for Angeles Crest. I've missed out on one of my ABSOLUTE favorite things to do, which is trail running with pals. BUT SO WHAT? To be honest, this may have been a BLESSING in disguise.
WHY? Because I have been MORE MOTIVATED than I was before this injury. I was getting a massage yesterday and while my muscles were being ever so painfully manipulated Scott Amiss (Sports Massage/PAIN master) and I discussed life and change. Often times, it takes hitting ROCK BOTTOM to motivate CHANGE. Whether in a job, in a a relationship or unhealthy living habits, I feel like most people need to feel so much SUCK that they are finally motivated to get off their ass and do something about it. People are AFRAID of change, so they are willing to endure the mild unhappiness they get from one thing or another until it becomes too much.
What is interesting to me is that I have been more motivated in every area of my life since I discovered this injury. I feel like a new man. SERIOUSLY. This is a familiar feeling, and a GREAT one. I feel like I can accomplish everything that I want to accomplish. FUCK EXCUSES.
Not only do I want to get healthy again so I can run, I want to come back STRONGER than I was before. Faster, leaner, focused. I have spent hours and hours swimming and riding a stationary bike for the last few weeks THINKING about running. I can't wait to run again.
For those of you who know me, it may seem ridiculous to say that I had hit rock bottom, but it is a relative term. Rock bottom for me is that I had given up on my hopes and dreams professionally, and was making excuses for where I am right now in that aspect of my life. To myself and to others. Rock bottom for me is that I ran my body into the ground with a lack of focus and the inability to give my legs a rest. Rock bottom for me is that for the last 2 years, I've let myself be tired and let myself be RUN BY the outside world, instead of doing everything that I'm capable of doing to RUN IT. There was a time a few years ago where I felt like I had enough energy to change the world. Something happened and I got off of that path. That way of feeling. The creative/positive energy train. I've made excuse after excuse to myself over the last few years so I could feel like I was off the hook.
I have made many absolutely WONDERFUL new friends and have a GORGEOUS and loving new woman in my life, and overall I'm doing GREAT. But to be honest, there are a lot of things that I've let go. I haven't budgeted well, I haven't made any real headway in determining what exactly I should be doing. I'm still working in a place that gives me only 1 week vacation a year, tied to a desk. I got that job because I needed flexibility to pursue an acting career. I'm no longer pursuing that career, so WHY am I still working in the same place? Now, those of you who know me know that I'm a fairly positive person who'll try to make the best out of most situations. Even though I have had one of the best years ever so far (sure feels that way), I still feel like I've been SELLING MYSELF SHORT.
I'm SICK of bad days. I'm READY to feel GOOD. I'm ready to take some responsibility for both my FAILURES and my SUCCESSES, and acknowledge every experience as being just that - an EXPERIENCE. My friends, family, loved ones... everybody that I know.. have helped me recognize that I haven't changed one bit. THANK YOU. I'm still the person that I was a few years ago when I felt like I had the world by the balls.
I'm going to EMBRACE my LIFE. No more victim. No more bad days. I'm gonna own this shit, and come July 23rd I'm gonna be up in WRIGHTWOOD getting ready to RUN 100 Miles. Whatever happens, HAPPENS.
All I have is one queston: WHO'S COMIN' WITH ME?
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